As I sit quietly at my desk, calendar jammed with deadlines, emails flooding in, WhatsApp and text messages lighting up my phone, calls ringing through back-to-back and a stack of missed calls waiting to be returned; I wonder:
“Why do my clients hate me?”
I mean, I’m just an accountant. All I ever do is gently remind them to pay a few small taxes. Nothing unreasonable.
Here’s what I ask of them. It’s barely anything, really:
Income Tax: You worked hard all year? Great. Now hand over a slice to the government. It’s tradition.
GST (Goods and Services Tax): Charge your customers 10% more, collect it, and pass it on. You’re a business and also now a tax collector.
Payroll Tax: You employ people and pay them well? That’s noble. Now pay a tax for the privilege of being so noble.
PAYG Withholding Tax: Paying employees? Don’t let them take home all their earnings. Withhold part of it and forward it to the government. You’re welcome.
PAYG Instalments: If you’re too consistent with your income, the government gets excited and asks for future tax… now!
Fringe Benefits Tax (FBT): Gave staff a car, a meal, or a gift card? Generosity doesn’t go unnoticed by the ATO.
Stamp Duty: Bought property, cars, or insurance? Don’t celebrate too soon. There’s a tax for touching paperwork.
Land Tax: Own property that isn’t your home? Fantastic. Now pay an annual fee just for the honor of holding land. The more land you have, the more generous they expect you to be.
Capital Gains Tax: Made a profit selling something? Lovely. Now share it with the ATO.
Division 293 Tax: Earn too much and contribute to super? The ATO says thanks and by “thanks,” they mean extra tax.
Excess Concessional Contributions Tax: Tried to save too much in super? Cute. Let’s tax you again just to keep you humble.
So yes, as the financial year draws to a close, I reflect. Maybe I’m not hated for who I am. Maybe it’s because I’m the one who delivers the bad news via catch ups, emails, PDFs, spreadsheets, texts, WhatsApp messages, phone calls and follow-ups for those missed calls.
The truth is, I’m not the villain. I’m not the mastermind behind the maze but I’m just your guide through it. And yes, I’ll be back next financial year – with my calendar packed, phone lighting up, inbox at capacity and reminders caught in a time loop. I would still be wondering the same thing all over again but would be ready and prepared as ever to break the news all over again.